The 100% True Story of When Eric and Christine* Bought a TV

Greetings, blog-o-spherians! For this week's epic view into our more than interesting lives, I have allowed our good friend and world-famous author Benjamin Franklin Wietmarschen write a "guest blog" about how we were able to receive one of the gifts from our wedding. Sit back, enjoy, and please visit ericmayhaus.blogspot.com to view the hilarious, yet scene-capturing photos from this historic event.

The 100% True Story of When Eric and Christine* Bought a TV

By Ben Wietmarschen

Eric coughed softly as he inspected the cluttered space that was his new home. Looking at the piles of unpacked boxes lining the floor and furniture pushed to the corners of the living room, he slowly felt the full weight of his new married life descend onto his delicate, runner’s shoulders.

Where am I and how did I get here so fast? Was the thought that dominated his mind as he stood amidst all of the things of his life.

Emerging from another room, with even more of these things scattered in it, was Christine, Eric’s new second half. It was only two years ago, that Eric thought of himself as whole. Slowly, though, through the two years that was his American-dream-of-a-courtship with Christine, Eric’s sense of self was chipped away little by little until he was what you might call, “half a man.” Once Eric realized this had happened, long after he had a chance of doing anything about it, he realized Chrisitine was the only way to fill that void. So then, just as it has happened with “men” throughout history, he got married.

And thus he stood, amid their new home, unsure of what to expect next, only sure that the ring on his finger meant that one half of him was now female.

Where am I and how did I get here so fast?

Now, Christine had big plans for their new space. Doilies, ribbons, and candles had already begun flying out of boxes before Eric could say “Where should I put this ‘Pre’ poster”, and before he knew it, the packing was done and Eric found himself resting in a chair, sipping a diet Fresca as he fingered a plate of organic baby carrots and passively took in the sounds of the latest Fiona Apple album.

Where am I and how did I get here so fast?

“Where’s the TV going to sit?” Eric asked as Christine was busy hanging up a painting of a bunny rabbit sleeping in a bouquet of pink and red flowers.

“Um, I guess I didn’t really consider it. How about we try the room without a TV for a while?”

Where am I and how did I get here so fast?

“Um, Christine, babe, love-of-my-life, while I appreciate and respect your decision to use the entertainment center as a display for your Precious Moments figurines, I do think those shelves would be best used for the boss widescreen TV we got as a wedding present from all of our friends who love us.”

“Um, I mean, yes, we CAN get a TV, lovey, but TV’s are always distracting when we are playing our nightly scrabble games or planning dinner parties with other local married couples.”

“Um, my bride, I think having a TV would be good to lure over other couples who might not be married, and therefore not as lame, and might want to watch family friendly movies with us, or, um, you know, like, sports-or-whatever.”

“SPORTS?!?!?!”

“Yes, you like sports, remember.”

“No, I was just pretending.”

“Please humor me on this one, babe.”

“Fine.”

So off they went, in search of the best television money could buy (at Best Buy because that’s where the gift certificate is from) (and also, by “best money can buy”, we mean “as much money as their friends were able to scrounge up”). And, luckily, a local (handsome) man was able to capture the magic of finding the perfect television for the Mayhauses. Let’s take a look.

Eric --“Hey look at me I’m the man of the house with all the muscles! Also, this slap bracelet that I’m wearing is worth $800 in Best Buy because Best Buy loves the 80’s, apparently!”

This is about to become a bracelet. Ha-HA!

Eric – “As far as I can tell, these are all ‘Televisions’”

Christine – “Yes, I see where you’re going with this”

Eric – “Ah hell, just pick the shiniest one. OOHH look, The Black eyed Peas new album!”

Christine – “Eric, you’re getting distracted from TV buying by looking at your favorite musical group’s new album. Just because you love the Black Eyed Peas so much, Eric, doesn’t mean this TV is gonna pick itself. Eric, you love The Black Eyed Peas, we know this much, let’s move one, you’re a BEP-head, we get it. Come back over here!”

Signing the deal.

Christine – “It says here it’s about a baby who is a full grown adult that becomes an old small baby, eventually. Somehow. That is interesting. I also read about it in “Better homes and Gardens” They said it was real good.

Eric- “Oh we’re totally gonna watch Benjamin Button when we get home!”

Christine – “Thumbs up is still cool, right?”

Eric – “It doesn’t matter, we’re married, coolness stopped being a factor ages ago.”

“Simply the Best.”

And the finished product. I’d say everyone involved was happy with the result.

*Actual Christine much cooler than fictional Christine.

Official New Yorkers - ADDITION

After reading that last post, I realized I left out a big part of how we actually made it as far as we did up here.

Both sets of our parents helped us out a lot. Without them, we'd be living in New Jersey in my old apartment still, and for that we graciously thank all of them.

So, here's our big thanks to both the Plagemans and the Mayhaus' for helping us get situated here. We really appreciate it, and want you to know how much it meant to us.

Official New Yorkers

Well, we’re officially moved into our Manhattan apartment. It’s true. It wasn’t easy, but we made it!

Just like every little boy and little girl dreams of what coming back from an amazing wedding and honeymoon to their new, rock star-like dream home, we came back to ours: an empty apartment.

Now, I should probably start from the beginning about apartment hunting in New York City, as it is an entirely different beast than the rest of the country. We were warned/lectured/told about the stresses and hardships of finding an apartment in New York by our friends and colleagues. Please. We were above the curve, different from everyone else, and we were going to have a nice enjoyable process and find that perfect apartment whenever we felt like it. It is a buyer’s market, right?

Let’s just say it didn’t happen that way, and leave it at that. Ok, I’ll elaborate.

We started looking in the beginning of April, in hopes of feeling out the market and getting a good sense for what our money would be worth in our new neighborhood. And honestly, it wasn’t too bad, mainly due to the fact that we were just looking. Most people were pleasant and willing to make a deal with us. We entered each apartment with growing confidence that we were in charge, and were about to find our new home. Prices were dropping, amenities were being added, and spirits were raised. What could go wrong?

This is about the time when I thought it would be a good idea to go through a brokerage firm. Since the economy was tough, owners were paying the broker’s fee, rendering their services “free” to people like me. It was a perfect idea: take advantage of a broker’s extensive knowledge and listings for free! One day after work I went with the broker to check out a bunch of spaces in the area we were looking at. And whadaya know? There was indeed a great apartment for rent still on the market! We took everyone’s advice and jumped on the offer right away, sending our paperwork the next day. Here’s where it all went awry. They dropped the bombshell that I had to get them the deposit immediately or they couldn’t hold the apartment for me. They assured me this would be enough to save my spot during the owner’s credit check. Against my better judgment, I wired the money to the firm and sat back and tried to enjoy our “moment.”

Cue the next day. I get a call from our broker, and I naturally answer in a cheerful tone, expecting to hear we were cleared to rent. Instead a voice tells me, “I’m sorry, but it looks like the apartment was already rented.” Already rented? As in, not by me? Wait a second, I thought I put money down for this specific reason? I tried to be calm, but I couldn’t. And, it just so happened that it was a Friday, and they “couldn’t get me my money back until Monday.” Basically, the rest of the weekend was going to be a waste, because we couldn’t put any money down on another place. I was furious, upset, and felt taken advantage of. We sheepishly looked for apartments the rest of the weekend, having low hopes that anyone would wait for Monday to let us put money down.

It was breakfast on Sunday when my phone rang. It was Clyde, a representative for an owner showing an apartment on the exact street Christine lived on! We had seen this place before, but had kind of figured it would have sold, seeing as we looked at it early April. We rushed to the place and met Clyde again. He was lovely, and seemed to enjoy us. We told him our scenario, and he told us it would be no problem to wait until Monday to drop the dough off. Oh, did I mention, the place was perfect! Monday rolled around and I took care of getting all the money situated and paid (thanks in part to my Mom shooting me a short-term loan!), and went up and signed the lease. We were Manhattanites! They were even going to give us a BRAND NEW HARDWOOD FLOOR!! Things were falling into place, finally.

Before this next part, let’s just remember this all occurred within 3 weeks of our wedding. In that time period, I also managed to lose my wallet and cancel all of my credit cards, debit cards, file a police report, and freak out (it was later returned, thankfully). This time period is typically ultra-stressful, and anything added normally puts people over the edge. Got it? Well, move-in date rolls around, and we go up to check out our new and exciting apartment, and hear people working inside. Confused, we open the door to find two men still working on the floors. What? We ask them when they think they’ll be done, and they don’t speak English very well, but we’re able to get “June” out of them. The date of move-in was supposed to be May 15^th. Not June, or any other date. So we sat, one week to the day from our wedding, in Christine’s current apartment, frustrated and upset over the actions.

After a few days of phone calls, the floor was finally finished and we could move in. Moving in Manhattan was a threat on my psyche, and I was nervous and afraid of the challenges we would face. And, after all the troubles we had, it went really smoothly. Except for the part where I drove a U-Haul truck down 2^nd Avenue during rush hour. This was easily the craziest and most stressful half hour of driving in my life. How do people do this every day? It was gridlocked, and just plain mean. But now, we’re all moved in, have everything pretty much all set up, and are currently enjoying our new place! We can’t wait to see you all again, and hope that some or all of you will eventually be able to make it up for a visit! Until next time….